The Art of Manifesting Love

Nearly 25 years ago, I found myself perched atop a black lava rock on the Big Island of Hawaii, alternately, gazing out at the beautiful ocean and fiercely, writing page after page of everything I wanted in a romantic partner. 

At the time, my acting career was flourishing but I was still reeling from a divorce and the prospect of a healthy and happy relationship seemed elusive. As I looked around, I didn’t see any strong relationship role models, the marriage statistics in Hollywood didn’t give me any confidence, yet deep down, I yearned to find true, lasting love. 

Have you ever felt that way? That true love was just out of reach?

Well, I decided to give anything a try including the seemingly basic manifestation exercise of writing down my deepest desires. I also committed to saying “yes” to all requests (well almost), I asked friends to set me up, initiated conversations with strangers and explored any viable places for meeting someone special. 

Over the next few months, I went out on a lot of dates- some good, many bad but none of them were Mr. Right. Then out of the blue, I got a call from a publicist friend inviting me to a big film screening at Warner Brothers. Huge footnote- the director of the film was a guy I had met years earlier. He and his business partner played nerf basketball my entire meeting and I walked out feeling like it was a total waste of time. Needless to say, I wasn’t feeling very compelled to go but I promised I would say “yes” to invitations and while this one was questionable, I rallied and went.

I met “Mr. Director” again. He was actually quite charming this time and a week later I got another call from the publicist saying he wanted to ask me out on a date. I did not see that coming but once again I said yes …. and the rest is history. Come March we’ll be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary.

As a coach, I frequently work with people on finding love and have fortunatley guide many into happy relationships and weddings including a new engagement this past month. YAY! Over the years, based on my own experience and working with others, I have identified these five key elements in manifesting successful relationships. 

• Be Clear and Specific: Details matter. It’s critical to determine who you want to be with, how you want to feel, where you want to be, what do you like doing together and what qualities do you honestly need from a partner. By writing this down, it not only helps you understand your true desires, but it creates something magical when you put that request out in the universe. 

A year after the fateful first date with my husband, I stumbled upon the journal from that day on the beach describing my “perfect match” To my total surprise he fit that description exactly, even down to the “blue sparkling eyes and contagious smile”!! I was shocked but it reconfirmed my belief in manifestation, and I have watched that writing exercise garner lots of love and success for others as well.

• Values are Key: I truly believe values can make or break a relationship and they must be addressed. Two blind spots I often observe are: people are so “in love…or lust” they don’t even notice their values are out of alignment OR they want the relationship to work so badly, they ignore and suppress all of the red flags. Yes of course, there are places to compromise but your top values are probably non-negotiable.

When I got married the first time, the church required us to take a little relationship course. (which was a great idea) In one of the exercises, we were asked to place a list of values in order of importance. Unfortunately, we ran out of class time, so the teacher encouraged us to discuss it at home. We both glanced at each other’s paper and quite to our surprise, I had adventure as #1 and security as #10. He had security as #1 and adventure as #8. We nervously chuckled and said we’d talk about it later. As you can probably guess, that conversation never happened and that exact misalignement ultimately broke up our marriage. Values matter!

• What Do You Have?: It’s such a simple yet powerful question. When we step into a challenge or embark on a meaningful mission, it’s important that we recognize our worth. We all have so much more to offer than we acknowledge. So, make a looooong list of everything that makes you amazing. (YES, you really are amazing) Include all of your great qualities, experiences, contributions, successes and why you would make a great partner. Take a moment and allow yourself to let that sink in and embrace your unique greatness. It’s also great to carry that list with you whenever you need a reminder.
• Take Bold Action: After creating a vision, getting clear on your values, reflecting on your self-worth, it’s time to go all in and take bold action. 

Years ago, I did a Moticise class on relationships. During the climax of the class, I instructed everyone to jump two feet into an imaginary circle that represented a bold action. I noticed one of the women didn’t jump, she was frozen in place. I asked if she was ok? She responded, “I want a relationship really badly and I thought I was ready, but when you said, jump “all in” I panicked and froze. I didn’t realize how much fear was still holding me back.” 

That was a powerful aha. We often have an subconscious push- pull interaction with things we really want. Our heads say go but our hearts and bodies say stop. That’s a mixed message to the universe that tends to cancel out our energy and our results. So, make sure your mind, bodies and heart are in the same place and then go all in with bold action.

• Consistency and Patience- Rome wasn’t built in a day, skills aren’t learned overnight, and love generally isn’t found on the first date. Consistent bold action and patience are crucial. It can take some time to find your ultimate partner. Give yourself grace, engage in lots of self-care and surround yourself with positive, supportive people who believe in you. 

A client of mine almost gave up on dating. After a little soul searching, she committed to going all in for one more month. On the last day of that month, she went out on her “final date”. Turns out, he was the perfect match and they’re still happily together after 4 years. It’s important to stay the course.

I truly believe that we all have the power to manifest love or anything that we desire. With intention, vision, belief and consistent aligned action anything is possible.

“Know your magic, trust your magic, use your magic and know that you are a manifestation of life’s magic.”   Rasheed Ogunlaru