Nearly 25 years ago, I found myself perched atop a black lava rock on the Big Island of Hawaii, alternately, gazing out at the beautiful ocean and fiercely, writing page after page of everything I wanted in a romantic partner.
At the time, my acting career was flourishing but I was still reeling from a divorce and the prospect of a healthy and happy relationship seemed elusive. As I looked around, I didn’t see any strong relationship role models, the marriage statistics in Hollywood didn’t give me any confidence, yet deep down, I yearned to find true, lasting love.
Have you ever felt that way? That true love was just out of reach?
Well, I decided to give anything a try including the seemingly basic manifestation exercise of writing down my deepest desires. I also committed to saying “yes” to all requests (well almost), I asked friends to set me up, initiated conversations with strangers and explored any viable places for meeting someone...
Years ago my husband wrote and sold a romantic comedy script called I Hate Valentines Day.
Every time the title came up, people would laugh, almost with a sigh of relief, as if to say “Yes I hate Valentine’s Day too.” There is so much pressure on this one single day whether you are in a relationship or not to have this unbridled, fairytale LOVE depicted in a Hollywood movie.
I have been with my husband for over 20 years, and I love him dearly. Don’t me wrong, I’m happy to celebrate that but even I feel this daunting need to either live up to the expectations of this day or be a rebel and “just not care”
And I know for my single friends, that is often more heightened. It shows up as deep sadness bordering on feelings of “failure”. Or a need to celebrate with a friend to prove that you are worthy, and love is not relegated to a romantic relationship. Or of course the stance of steely independence, “I’m fine, I...
Awhile back, I began coaching an entrepreneur named Heidi – a successful, confident interior designer who just couldn’t figure out why her marriage was a mess.
“I don’t get it!” she said, pacing around my office. For someone who sounded so baffled, she looked incredibly put together – stylish heels, tailored suit, waves upon waves of blonde hair. “My partner and I just can’t seem to make it work. We’re going to therapy, and I’m trying everything our therapist says – we’re communicating more, I’m visualizing, I’m even meditating. But we still can’t seem to stop fighting. I’m at the end of my rope.” She stopped pacing at looked at me imploringly. “Can you help?”
“Tell me about the relationship you want.” I said, and she reeled off a list of things.
“Good communication. Love. Intimacy. Trust,” she said breezily, like she knew the right answer and had...
A lot of people wonder: can a life coach help with relationships?. When I get asked that, I have to smile - because so often that’s what people come to me about, that sometimes I feel like I’m a relationship coach rather than a life coach.
By now, I’ve had years of experience helping people find (and keep) love, not only because of my years as a life coach, but also because of my own experiences. Today, I’m married to the love of my life, the father of my children, my husband of almost 20 years. But before Stephen, there was Bob. And with Bob, I learned the hard way what makes a relationship grow and flourish - or fall apart.
When I was still in college, before I moved to LA to try my hand at acting, Bob and I met the old-fashioned way: he crashed into my friend’s car.
I was riding with a friend on Route 200 - actually, we were on an exit ramp - when from out of nowhere, another car slammed into ours....
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