Why don’t we do what we know is good for us?
For many people struggling to get the results they want - whether that’s in business, relationships, health, whatever - the problem isn’t that they don’t know what they need to do. Sure, that comes into play, too, as that’s when we need clarity and direction. But just as often, we know exactly what we need to do.
We need to stop eating donuts and start eating salads. We need to get off the couch and get to the gym. We need to hire a web designer, build a program, have a hard conversation. Yet over and over again, we struggle with actually doing those things.
Today, I want to break down the various reasons we don’t do those things we know will serve us - because breaking big ideas into smaller pieces helps us understand what’s really going on. Then we’ll look at some mindset hacks that will really, truly help you break through that barrier and get the job done.
Here they are: the 5 major...
How falling in love (with yourself!) will help jumpstart your goal
I read an article once where Sigourney Weaver told about a time she was in an acting class. Looking around, she thought, “I feel so sorry for all these people. They’re not going to make it, and I am.”
Soon after I read that, I was in an acting class myself, and I sure as hell did not feel that way. But, I admired the strength and confidence she must have had, to believe that. I didn’t think she said it in a mean way – it wasn’t like “They suck and I’m awesome.” It was just a belief she had, a sense of certainty that she’d succeed. And she was right. (At least, I’m guessing the rest of the group didn’t all go on to win Oscars).
But that day in my own class, I looked around and thought, Wow, these people are so talented. How on earth am I ever going to make it?
And that troubled me. I knew that if that was the belief I carried around me, my results...
Recently, I tried for the millionth time to give up coffee. And for the millionth time, I failed miserably. But it was in failing that I realized something – my caffeine intake wasn’t the real issue. It was the symptom of a “tack” I was sitting on.
Wednesday of last week was Day 1 of my coffee cleanse. My alarm went off at 5:50am, and immediately, the thought of the day stretching out before me felt so daunting that I rolled over and hit snooze. Several times. For almost 45 minutes.
The rest of the day didn’t go much better. I got my kids off to school late. When I finally got to the office, my concentration was so off, I wasted a whole hour trying to sort through emails. I felt irritable and exhausted.
So I asked myself, what in my life is happening, that I need so much caffeine to get me through the day? Why do I rely on it so heavily?
The rest of that week, I dragged myself through my routine, succumbing to the corner café only twice. And it...
A lot of people ask me where the question “What if it’s easy?” came from. Is it the result of years of mind-body training? Did they teach it in coaching school? Did you learn it in acting classes, on the set of Guiding Light or One Life to Live, or on one of your adventures on Kilimanjaro or Macchu Picchu?
The funny thing is, it was none of those things. It was actually an accident.
It was on a sunny afternoon in Los Angeles. My husband Stephen and I were sitting in a hot rental car on Sunset Boulevard, that famous place where dreams come true…or come crashing down. And that’s what it felt like that day, as we sat there soaking in the terrible news.
He’d flown out from New York City for a meeting with his boss, and we’d been hoping for something good—a promotion, a raise, a new project. But instead, he’d been fired.
And he was devastated.
Looking at him, I saw something I hadn’t seen before from...
The other day, my friend Maddie called to tell me she’d reached her fitness goal of swimming a full mile.
“That’s amazing,” I said. “I didn’t know you were interested in swimming! When did you start training for that?” We’d been talking about fitness goals at the beginning of January, and she hadn’t mentioned this at all.
“Oh, forever ago,” she said breezily. “2018, I think it was. I took a COVID hiatus, but when my building’s pool reopened, I started up again. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want to jinx it. I never tell people my goals until after I’ve reached them.”
It was uncanny to hear that, because I’d just heard the exact opposite from my client Tim. “I always start by telling people what I’m doing,” he’d said last week. “That way, I’m on the hook—everyone’s expecting me to do it, so I can’t not.”
Once, when my daughter Kaya was younger, we were at a restaurant that had those placemats with games and activities for kids. She was doing mazes, and when I looked over, I saw she'd gone through three of them without making a mistake. Not a single dead end.
"Wow, you're good at mazes," I said. "How did you do that?"
She just shrugged. "Easy. You start at the end, and go backwards."
Stephen nodded, like she'd just said something profound. "That's how those things are designed. They trip you up if you go forward, but going backwards, the path is clear."
That's how it hit me: going backwards is a big way to move forward.
As soon as I thought it, I started seeing examples everywhere. Stephen does it all the time, so I didn't have to look far. When he wants something, he'll imagine that it's already happened. He'll get really clear on what that looks and feels like to have...
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