1 Critical Piece That Might Be Missing From Your Life

adventure fun goals Nov 30, 2021

 

One Saturday night after making herself dinner, my friend Ingrid realized something: she had the whole night to herself, and no idea what to do.

Her kids were in their teens, growing more independent by the day. Her husband had his own hobbies, working out in the garage. She'd devoted the last twenty years to work and family—going to law school, raising two kids, working seven-day weeks. When she wasn't working, she was cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring, or sleeping. But now that the kids were older and her own work was done for the day, she had no clue how to spend her time.

A colleague had invited her to one of my Moticise events in New York City, and that night, Ingrid decided to sign up. Later that month, Ingrid stood with a group of other women as I asked them to look at different areas of their lives—Relationships, Money, Health, Career, and so on—and reflect on how each one was going.

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Why We Don’t Always Do What Is Good For Us

beliefs goals productivity Nov 08, 2021

Why don’t we do what we know is good for us?

For many people struggling to get the results they want - whether that’s in business, relationships, health, whatever - the problem isn’t that they don’t know what they need to do. Sure, that comes into play, too, as that’s when we need clarity and direction. But just as often, we know exactly what we need to do.

We need to stop eating donuts and start eating salads. We need to get off the couch and get to the gym. We need to hire a web designer, build a program, have a hard conversation. Yet over and over again, we struggle with actually doing those things.

Why?

Today, I want to break down the various reasons we don’t do those things we know will serve us - because breaking big ideas into smaller pieces helps us understand what’s really going on. Then we’ll look at some mindset hacks that will really, truly help you break through that barrier and get the job done.

Here they are: the 5 major...

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5 Ways To Become A More Patient Person

 

It’s a fact of life: sometimes, things just don’t go the way we want. 

Even when we put in gobs of hard work, when we’ve done all the right things, when we’ve tried everything – sometimes, life seems to have other plans.

A few years back, my client Claire came to see me for this exact reason. “I’m ready to give up,” she said, pacing in circles around my office. Claire was a talented businesswoman with an impressive track record. She ran a successful consulting service , and now she was trying to branch off into another of her passions, and create a wellness business – yet despite all her efforts, nothing seemed to be gelling.

“I just don’t know what’s going on,” she said. “I feel like a total failure. Like I’m banging my head against the wall. What should I do?” 

Poor Claire. She wasn’t used to not succeeding. She was used to pushing through and making things...

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7 Ways To Be Brave

Uncategorized Oct 05, 2021

 

I’ve been coaching for almost fifteen years now, and the longer I do this work, the more I learn some profound yet simple truths. And one of those truths, which comes up again and again again, is this:

Fear is behind almost everything that’s stopping us.

It shows up in a million forms: anxiety, self-doubt, limiting beliefs, even anger and depression. At the root of all of it is good old fear.

That’s why so many mindset tools are designed to help us overcome fear. And that’s why today, I want to talk about a powerful topic that can help anyone at any stage of life, whether you’re building up a new career, feeling stuck in business, or struggling to help your kids through a tough time. 

It’s about being brave. 

In The Courage Quotient: How Science Can Make You Braver, the psychologist Robert Biswas-Diener writes that bravery is the result of two things: 

  • Your willingness to act
  • Your willingness to control fear

Why is...

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How to succeed (and stay sane) in these turbulent times

challenge goals mindset Sep 21, 2021

Nowadays, we talk about the pandemic like we talk about the weather – it’s everywhere, it’s constant, there’s always something new that impacts our daily lives. But just because it’s “normal” now doesn’t mean that our lives aren’t still disrupted, or that many of us are still struggling to navigate each change. We’re juggling plans for work, kids, and activities; trying to plan for the next few months; and doing our darndest to stay healthy, productive, and sane. 

It’s at times like this that we need one simple mindset hack: flexibility.

Flexibility works in some surprising ways, and I’m not talking about doing splits and backbends (necessarily). Let me tell a little story about my client Jenn, and how she learned the true value of becoming flexible – in more ways than one.

Jenn was an interior designer here in New York, and she was going through a lot of changes: the end of a long-term relationship,...

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3 myths around perfectionism (plus how to beat it)

 Years ago, I got into an elevator with two people I’d never seen before, and I happened to overhear their discussion.

“Most nights I don’t finish work till almost three a.m.,” said the first person, sounding quite pleased with himself. “I can’t help it. I’m a bit of a perfectionist.”

“That’s probably what’s holding you back,” the other person said, without missing a beat. The next ten seconds ticked by in a tense silence. When the doors finally opened to my floor, the self-proclaimed perfectionist was just then piecing together a response.

And although I never saw those two people again, I’ve never forgotten what they said.

Why has that memory stayed with me?

Several reasons. First, I can totally relate to the first guy. Even though I learned long ago that perfectionism is not a virtue, I still fall into its trap– and even catch myself clinging to it sometimes as if it will somehow guarantee my...

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One powerful way to get what you want

 Last winter, my friend Gigi told me a funny story about the time she moved to Brooklyn in her early twenties.

She was living in Ithaca, a small town about four hours upstate, and she was all excited to try to make it as a singer with her band in New York. Two days before she moved, though, she realized something relatively important: she didn't have any moving boxes. (Sometimes these things slip our minds, don’t they?) She didn't want to buy any, since she imagined they were prohibitively expensive, and she was broke. So she asked her roommate, Chris, if he had any. 

"No," he said, "but let's go find some." 

They walked downtown and started asking around. One person they asked, a guitarist playing Beatles songs on a street corner, suggested they ask at the liquor store. There, the manager there gave them a few Heineken boxes. Then he gestured to the shipping store across the street.

"They sell boxes," he said. "You can get all you want there."

So they went...

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1 surefire way to improve your relationship

Awhile back, I began coaching an entrepreneur named Heidi – a successful, confident interior designer who just couldn’t figure out why her marriage was a mess.

“I don’t get it!” she said, pacing around my office. For someone who sounded so baffled, she looked incredibly put together – stylish heels, tailored suit, waves upon waves of blonde hair. “My partner and I just can’t seem to make it work. We’re going to therapy, and I’m trying everything our therapist says – we’re communicating more, I’m visualizing, I’m even meditating. But we still can’t seem to stop fighting. I’m at the end of my rope.” She stopped pacing at looked at me imploringly. “Can you help?”

“Tell me about the relationship you want.” I said, and she reeled off a list of things.

“Good communication. Love. Intimacy. Trust,” she said breezily, like she knew the right answer and had...

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The #1 thing our brains ask of us

In 2015, the engineer and “Smarter Every Day” founder Destin Sandlin discovered something surprising: he could no longer ride a bike. 

He’d grown up bicycling; he hadn’t had any injuries. Physically, he was capable of it. He just couldn’t ride it…because he’d accidentally “unlearned” how.

Destin had spent the year learning to ride something he called a “backwards bicycle” – a bike that had been re-engineered so that when you turn the handlebars to the right, the bike goes left. When he first started, he could ride his normal bike fine, and this bike was impossible. Physically, it’s not any more difficult than riding a regular bike.

Mentally, though? That’s a whole different matter. Basically, to ride the backwards bike, your brain has to rewire itself to understand that the handlebars work in the opposite way that you expect. Everyone who has tried it, many of whom are confidence that they can...

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How falling in love with yourself will help jumpstart your goal

beliefs dreams goals success Jun 15, 2021

How falling in love (with yourself!) will help jumpstart your goal

I read an article once where Sigourney Weaver told about a time she was in an acting class. Looking around, she thought, “I feel so sorry for all these people. They’re not going to make it, and I am.”

Soon after I read that, I was in an acting class myself, and I sure as hell did not feel that way. But, I admired the strength and confidence she must have had, to believe that. I didn’t think she said it in a mean way – it wasn’t like “They suck and I’m awesome.” It was just a belief she had, a sense of certainty that she’d succeed. And she was right. (At least, I’m guessing the rest of the group didn’t all go on to win Oscars).

But that day in my own class, I looked around and thought, Wow, these people are so talented. How on earth am I ever going to make it?

And that troubled me. I knew that if that was the belief I carried around me, my results...

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