​Are you playing to win – or just playing not to lose?

The other day I went to this fundraiser for a friend of mine, where we played poker with the Poker Divas. This was the first lesson – you have to play to win. If you just play not to lose,  you will almost definitely lose.

I thought, what an applicable lesson to life. It made me think of a time I was at a conference, where they asked you to put a number on a ping pong ball at registration. And then throughout the conference, sporadically, they’d come out with this big box full of ping pong balls, like a lottery, and they’d call a number and give out some pretty significant prizes.

One time when they were calling out numbers, I was out in the hallway, and a guy who worked at the conference asked me, ”How come you’re not in there? They’re giving away prizes.”

I said, “I know, but I never put my number on a ping pong ball, so, I’m not going to win.”

And he said, “Hm, that’s interesting. I wonder where else that shows up in your life.”

That hit me like daggers. I just thought, oh my gosh, where else is it showing up? And right away I could see a number of places where that was true.

I sometimes think I’m playing to win, but really, when I look closer, I realize I’m not. So often, I’m committed to process, not the result. I’m just working to stay in the game—not to actually win.

This applies to so many areas of my life—taking care of my children, growing my business, or recovering from this one injury. When I look at those things, I feel like I’m doing my best. But then I ask myself, if I played to win, what would I do differently?

The answer is a number of things—but the biggest one is that I’d dedicate myself completely. I’d commit, 100%. Right now, I’m committed maybe 85%, which feels like a lot—but it’s not enough.

I know “winning” can have a bad connotation, so I should clarify. When I say it here, I mean succeeding; I mean achieving the best possible outcome. What does “winning” mean for you?

Look at all the areas of your life, even the ones you’re playing well. Maybe you’re playing to win. Or maybe you just think you are, and you still have another 10 or 15%. That extra push can make all the difference.

I also encourage you to look at the not-so-good areas of your life, because there, you might see a huge shift in perspective.

Ask yourself, Are you playing to win?

If you’re not, what would you do?​