A lot of people wonder: can a life coach help with relationships?. When I get asked that, I have to smile - because so often that’s what people come to me about, that sometimes I feel like I’m a relationship coach rather than a life coach.
By now, I’ve had years of experience helping people find (and keep) love, not only because of my years as a life coach, but also because of my own experiences. Today, I’m married to the love of my life, the father of my children, my husband of almost 20 years. But before Stephen, there was Bob. And with Bob, I learned the hard way what makes a relationship grow and flourish - or fall apart.
When I was still in college, before I moved to LA to try my hand at acting, Bob and I met the old-fashioned way: he crashed into my friend’s car.
I was riding with a friend on Route 200 - actually, we were on an exit ramp - when from out of nowhere, another car slammed into ours. Fortunately, nobody was hurt. My friend got out, and from the other car, I saw a tall, good-looking guy get out, and they exchanged their information. I didn’t meet him then, because I stayed in the car, but a week or so later, my roommate read aloud a line from the classifieds: “To the beautiful blonde whose father’s car I hit last week…”
He didn’t exactly have the details right (it wasn’t my father’s car), but I knew he meant me. “It’s fate!” my friends said, and part of me thought so, too.
So Bob and I started dating, and seven years later, we were married. But by then, we’d already started to see the cracks in our foundation.
We’d gone to a marriage prep class, where the facilitator asked us to rank a list of our values from 1 to 10. We did, and when Bob and I compared our lists, both of us did a double-take. I had Adventure as #1 - my very top value - and way down the list, at #8, I’d put Security. Bob, on the other hand, had them flipped: Security at #1, and Adventure as #10.
“Uh-oh,” we both said uneasily, and when the facilitator saw it, his eyebrows shot up. But it was nearing the end of the class, and we all wanted to go home - so we agreed to talk about it later.
That “later” never happened. (Big surprise, right?)
And yet I never forgot that moment, because that exact conflict of values was what ultimately pulled us apart. Simply put, we wanted different things. No, we wanted different lives.
Bob was a wonderful, gentle, kind-hearted, amazing human being. We had great times together, and there was a lot of love shared between us. But we weren’t meant to be married. Our values were simply too different.
Fast forward to when I met Stephen. Right away, I knew he and I shared the same values. Today, we have built a life together that’s adventurous and fun, always looking for the next challenge, always reaching out for new experiences that we can share as a family and that excite us individually. Our marriage has flourished, and we’ve both grown as people and as a couple, because our values are aligned.
So. Can a life coach help with relationships? Absolutely, and here’s why: because coaching will help you clear away the clutter and identify what you really, truly value, what you really, truly want in life. And when you’re living according to your core values, you attract people who share those same values.
We all have some core values that must be honored in order for us to feel happy and fulfilled. The problem is, we don’t always know our values. It’s not always clear to us what they are.
And, just like with me and Bob - order matters.
We could’ve said that we both had Adventure and Security in our top ten. That was true, but it didn’t mean our values were aligned. The order of our values was so vastly different, and that’s what kept us from ever truly gelling as a couple.
Whether you’re single, married, dating, engaged, whatever - life coaching can help you find and sustain a beautiful relationship, in part by identifying your core values. And what you’ll find is that by doing that, other areas of your life will also improve - your career, your health, your well-being.
Our lives are like rich tapestries - all the parts are connected, and if one area is suffering, it won’t be long before we start to see issues in other areas, too. Often, what’s troubling people in their business, health, or career is also causing problems in their relationships. Conversely, if you’re struggling with relationship issues, you might also notice problem areas in your career or health. That’s why it’s so, so important to go deep. To tap into your core. To get to the root of your needs, your desires, your values, your beliefs, and more - so that you can align every part of your life with what your innermost heart really wants.
To set up your first session with me, contact me at [email protected]. I’d love to help you tap your core, uplevel your relationships, and watch your life - and romance - begin to blossom.
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