Have you ever felt stuck? Stressed? Like you could really use a mindset reset?
Millions of people wake up every morning, less than thrilled about the day ahead of them. Many even dread it. They drag themselves through their routine. They're tired, depressed, and they feel like happiness and fulfillment have passed them by.
But it doesn't have to be that way. Every minute of every day, you have the choice to take control of your life. You can step out of “stuck” and into the flow. You can redirect the course of your life, so it's one that makes you jump out of bed in the morning.
Don't believe me?
Neither did Ellen, at first. When I met Ellen, she was making her way up the corporate ladder at a wealth management firm here in Manhattan. She was successful in her career – she even had an office with a breathtaking view of the city – but the rest of her life , well, it left a lot to be desired.
Her marriage was in shambles. She was so tired all the time, she thought she might be sick. She didn't like how she looked, or how she fit into her clothes. She was so stressed that sometimes she just burst into tears. She felt empty.
She didn't come to me until she'd hit rock bottom: she was so sleep-deprived that one day, she collapsed in her office.
The doctors couldn't find anything wrong with her physically. But Ellen knew what it was: a wake-up call. Something – or, a lot of somethings – were missing from her life, and she needed to get them back.
She told me was depressed and had trouble focusing. Even her work, which had always been a place she'd excelled, had become a struggle. She wasn't sure anything could help her, she said. But she agreed to give this radical new idea a try: Mindset Reset.
Over the next few weeks, Ellen committed to going through each step of the process. By the end, she’d regained her sense of self, the romance in her relationship, and a sense of control over her life. Her self-confidence rose, and with it, her love of life. She'd brought meaning back into her life and career. And you could tell! Instead of looking frazzled and stricken, now she waltzed into my office smiling, radiating with energy.
What’s Mindset Reset, you’re wondering?
Here are the steps:
For some people, this step is easy. Some people know exactly what they want. If that’s you, great! Name your goal. Make sure it’s meaningful - not something you think you “should” do, but something you really, truly in your heart of hearts want.
Also, make sure it’s specific. Not so specific that it becomes an action item on your to-do, but specific enough that you’ll know it when you’ve achieved it. Hint: “I want to lose weight” isn’t specific; “I want to lose 50 pounds in the next year” is.
This step surprises a lot of people. Shouldn’t we start at the beginning - not at the end?
Nope. I want you to step into the future - the one where you’ve already achieved your goal.
See it. Feel it. Really go there. Allow yourself to feel all the feelings, the pride, the excitement. Again, be specific. What do you notice? What do you feel? Who’s around you? How does your body feel?
This step is crucial because it does a few things. First, it shifts your perspective, and that shifts your emotions. It helps you get emotionally connected to your goal, which fires up your passion - and that actually changes your brain, releasing chemicals that physically ready you for action. Those chemicals suppress the drives to do things that aren't urgent, like going to the bathroom and snacking – which means you're less likely to procrastinate.
This step is an amazingly powerful question that helps you see exactly what you’ve already got going for you - which, trust me, is way more than you think.
We’re so programmed to look for what we don’t have. Most of us can rattle off all the things we’re lacking, no program. But what happens when you look at what you already have?
Every single time I ask people this question, the answers that come up surprise the heck out of them. People have remembered connections who could help them; skills they’d brushed aside; resources and equipment they’d forgotten about. Once, I forgot that I had my husband’s TV production company around the corner from me, willing to answer all my questions - and I’d gone about trying to make a DVD on my own! It’s truly amazing the things we have in our corner that we’re completely discounting.
Once you know what you have, now you’re in a beautiful position to see what you need.
Many of us start here, thinking we’re being super-productive and goal-savvy. But if you start here, you’re likely to get overwhelmed. You might start listing out what you need, and soon, you’re buried under an avalanche of things you need to do and get and learn and Google. It's like opening up a closet door and everything falls out on top of you.
But, when we ask this question from a place of abundance and courage, standing firmly on a foundation of what we already have, then it's not so overwhelming. It's like opening that closet and finding everything in its place, neatly arranged on shelves. This way, we can see what's missing. We can fill in the gaps. It's manageable.
So I turn to you: What do you need?
Do you need to make a plan? Learn a new skill? Maybe get more information?
What is it for you?
Around this phase, little gremlins might stop popping up, telling you all the reasons that this will never work.
You’re not good enough.
You’re too old (or too young).
You don’t have enough time (or money or talent or whatever).
Those limiting beliefs (because that’s what they are) aren’t true - but they’re pretty convincing, right?
The good news is, you have the power to change your beliefs.
Beliefs are really just neural pathways that have been used enough that they feel like our reality.
“With repetitive thinking, the brain learns to trigger the same neurons each time,” writes Annie Wood in Truth Theory. “Throughout our lives we are wiring our brains, based on our repetitive thinking. We get good at what we practice.”
How can we use that to break through limiting beliefs?
Whenever you catch yourself repeating a limiting belief, notice it.
Tell yourself gently and firmly, That is a story I'm telling myself. It's not the truth.
Then, shift your focus. Say a belief you'd rather have.
I am strong enough. I can do this. I have done hard things before and I can do it again.
The more you do that, the easier it'll get—because each time you think it, you're wiring it more solidly into your brain.
It’s time to figure out what actions you need to take that will carry you straight to your goal.
Here are some questions to help you do that.
You don’t have to answer all of these at once. Rather, let the answers come up naturally. Journal for a few minutes. Make a list. Pay attention to any ideas that surprise you, that seem unexpected.
Then, choose one. Go out and do it (I’ll wait).
Choose another, just for fun! Then go out and do that.
Here it is, one of the most important parts of any goal: celebrating what we've accomplished!
Celebrate?, you might be thinking. But I didn't accomplish every single thing I've ever dreamed of! I haven't won my Grammy yet and there are dishes in the sink! What on earth do I have to celebrate?
Trust me, you're not alone in that kind of thinking. But that's all the more reason to celebrate what you HAVE done.
It is crucial to celebrate. Here’s why:
When you celebrate, you reinforce the neural pathways that feel good, proud, and accomplished. If you celebrate often, your brain learns to do it more easily. You train it to feel good more often. And feeling good, quite simply, is motivating.
If you don’t celebrate, those happy, excited neural pathways become harder to access—so when you finally do decide to celebrate, it’s harder.
So we need to practice celebrating.
Over the course of a couple months, Ellen worked through these steps on her way to her new goal. She signed up for an illustrating class, and got in contact with an author friend for tips on storytelling. She started getting eight hours of sleep a night, and she set aside time for date nights with her husband. Meanwhile, she realized she’d lost five pounds, without meaning to - because she now had so much energy she'd started walking to work instead of taking the train.
Within three months, Ellen had accomplished her goal of sketching out the first draft of her book, with a clear plan for how to finish it.
Ellen's story didn't happen because of some magic potion or sheer dumb luck. She took the time to examine her life, listen to her emotions and her body, and identify what she wanted. She took action toward her goal, and she reached it. She brought her mind, body, and emotions into alignment. And the joy that came from that had a ripple effect throughout her life, into her career, her health, her relationship, and her friendships.
That can happen for you too.
Want to give it a try?
Check out the Mindset Reset bundle, available on my website. This is three of my favorite ways to do this process - by video (while working out), by listening to an audio (also while working out - but this time, you get to choose the movements), and on paper. Here’s the link >>>
Or, if you want to go even deeper, contact me to set up your first coaching session! Like Ellen, you’ll be surprised by what comes up for you.
I can’t wait to see where your journey takes you.
Go out and shine.
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