5 Ways To Become A More Patient Person

 

It’s a fact of life: sometimes, things just don’t go the way we want. 

Even when we put in gobs of hard work, when we’ve done all the right things, when we’ve tried everything – sometimes, life seems to have other plans.

A few years back, my client Claire came to see me for this exact reason. “I’m ready to give up,” she said, pacing in circles around my office. Claire was a talented businesswoman with an impressive track record. She ran a successful consulting service , and now she was trying to branch off into another of her passions, and create a wellness business – yet despite all her efforts, nothing seemed to be gelling.

“I just don’t know what’s going on,” she said. “I feel like a total failure. Like I’m banging my head against the wall. What should I do?” 

Poor Claire. She wasn’t used to not succeeding. She was used to pushing through and making things...

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3 myths around perfectionism (plus how to beat it)

 Years ago, I got into an elevator with two people I’d never seen before, and I happened to overhear their discussion.

“Most nights I don’t finish work till almost three a.m.,” said the first person, sounding quite pleased with himself. “I can’t help it. I’m a bit of a perfectionist.”

“That’s probably what’s holding you back,” the other person said, without missing a beat. The next ten seconds ticked by in a tense silence. When the doors finally opened to my floor, the self-proclaimed perfectionist was just then piecing together a response.

And although I never saw those two people again, I’ve never forgotten what they said.

Why has that memory stayed with me?

Several reasons. First, I can totally relate to the first guy. Even though I learned long ago that perfectionism is not a virtue, I still fall into its trap– and even catch myself clinging to it sometimes as if it will somehow guarantee my...

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One powerful way to get what you want

 Last winter, my friend Gigi told me a funny story about the time she moved to Brooklyn in her early twenties.

She was living in Ithaca, a small town about four hours upstate, and she was all excited to try to make it as a singer with her band in New York. Two days before she moved, though, she realized something relatively important: she didn't have any moving boxes. (Sometimes these things slip our minds, don’t they?) She didn't want to buy any, since she imagined they were prohibitively expensive, and she was broke. So she asked her roommate, Chris, if he had any. 

"No," he said, "but let's go find some." 

They walked downtown and started asking around. One person they asked, a guitarist playing Beatles songs on a street corner, suggested they ask at the liquor store. There, the manager there gave them a few Heineken boxes. Then he gestured to the shipping store across the street.

"They sell boxes," he said. "You can get all you want there."

So they went...

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How falling in love with yourself will help jumpstart your goal

beliefs dreams goals success Jun 15, 2021

How falling in love (with yourself!) will help jumpstart your goal

I read an article once where Sigourney Weaver told about a time she was in an acting class. Looking around, she thought, “I feel so sorry for all these people. They’re not going to make it, and I am.”

Soon after I read that, I was in an acting class myself, and I sure as hell did not feel that way. But, I admired the strength and confidence she must have had, to believe that. I didn’t think she said it in a mean way – it wasn’t like “They suck and I’m awesome.” It was just a belief she had, a sense of certainty that she’d succeed. And she was right. (At least, I’m guessing the rest of the group didn’t all go on to win Oscars).

But that day in my own class, I looked around and thought, Wow, these people are so talented. How on earth am I ever going to make it?

And that troubled me. I knew that if that was the belief I carried around me, my results...

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Need a Mindset Reset? 7 steps to create your success

dreams goals mindset success Apr 29, 2021

Have you ever felt stuck? Stressed? Like you could really use a mindset reset?

Millions of people wake up every morning, less than thrilled about the day ahead of them. Many even dread it. They drag themselves through their routine. They're tired, depressed, and they feel like happiness and fulfillment have passed them by.

But it doesn't have to be that way. Every minute of every day, you have the choice to take control of your life. You can step out of “stuck” and into the flow. You can redirect the course of your life, so it's one that makes you jump out of bed in the morning.

Don't believe me?

Neither did Ellen, at first. When I met Ellen, she was making her way up the corporate ladder at a wealth management firm here in Manhattan. She was successful in her career – she even had an office with a breathtaking view of the city – but the rest of her life , well, it left a lot to be desired. 

Her marriage was in shambles. She was so tired all the time,...

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How to get a success mindset: 4 steps to reaching your most exciting goals

How to get a success mindset? If you're wondering this, chances are you've got a big idea or goal in mind. I have a hunch that you've got something special in mind...and you're on the track by looking for ways to step into a success mindset!

Maybe you have an idea for starting a new business, or you felt a glimmer of inspiration for a new creative project. Or you’re finally ready to do that thing you’ve been saying you’re going to do for, I don’t know, ever.

Let me guess. At first, there was a lot of excitement. I’m gonna DO this! This time, it’s gonna work!

But maybe the excitement has worn off, and now  you don't know where to start. You're standing at your desk or your whiteboard or your kitchen table, suddenly faced with all the million overwhelming tasks you need to do to make that goal a reality. 

Now what?

I've been there. (Who hasn't?) Especially for creative types who like to think big, that transition from "big idea" to "let's...

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How to combat Imposter Syndrome

Impostor syndrome - the belief that you're a fraud - is one of the biggest productivity killers in our culture. Every day, it plagues millions of people with doubts and fears, keeping them from achieving their full potential. Especially in today's world of constant social media, where we're bombarded with images of other people's success, impostor syndrome robs people of their creativity and well-being, causing stress, burn-out, and poor performance.

When you suffer from Imposter Syndrome – whether it’s in your work, business, passion project, or even your relationships or health (yes, that’s real), you’re less likely to think creatively, problem-solve intelligently, and manage effectively.

Fortunately, there is a solution.

Are you ready? It’s simple:

Know your value.

Don’t freak out. I know what you’re thinking: How can I know my value when I don't feel like I’m enough?

Most people believe their value is so much “less”...

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Should you tell other people your goals?

 

The other day, my friend Maddie called to tell me she’d reached her fitness goal of swimming a full mile.

“That’s amazing,” I said. “I didn’t know you were interested in swimming! When did you start training for that?” We’d been talking about fitness goals at the beginning of January, and she hadn’t mentioned this at all.

“Oh, forever ago,” she said breezily. “2018, I think it was. I took a COVID hiatus, but when my building’s pool reopened, I started up again. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want to jinx it. I never tell people my goals until after I’ve reached them.”

It was uncanny to hear that, because I’d just heard the exact opposite from my client Tim. “I always start by telling people what I’m doing,” he’d said last week. “That way, I’m on the hook—everyone’s expecting me to do it, so I can’t not.”

Hearing...

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The #1 culprit that sabotages our success (and how to conquer it)

coaching happiness success Nov 10, 2020

Every single time I walk in my front door, my dog Sadie barks like mad. She celebrates with all she’s got. It takes her a full five minutes to calm down, and even then, she’s still panting.

This happens every. Single. Day. Not once has she ever greeted me like, Oh, it’s you again.

Of course, most people’s dogs are like that. For them, you coming home is cause for maximum joy. Pull out all the stops! Kill the fatted lamb! Break out the fine china—Mom’s home from work!

Dogs are always prepared for happiness. They live in a constant state of waiting for something good to happen. And when it does, they don’t hold back. They celebrate the crap out of it.

There’s a name for that magical quality: positive expectancy.

What if we were like that? What if we were more like our dogs, especially when it came to reaching our goals?

Honestly, a lot of adults these days are the opposite. We fall into patterns of negative expectancy so easily. We get...

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3 ways to get a success mindset - right now

goals mindset success Jun 27, 2019

Have you ever set a goal, and gotten really gung-ho excited about it...only to fall away from it a few days or weeks later? (New Year's Resolutions, anybody?)

Well, today I want to invite you to call to mind a goal you were once excited about. What was it? What happened, that you fell away from it? 

I'm gonna guess that your mindset around that goal isn't the most positive one. And that can cause huge problems, because your mindset determines your results. So let's look at three powerful ways you can use your body to create a success mindset.

  1. Explore your vision.

When you visualize what you want, a couple things happen. First, you can see more clearly how to get there. It's like starting at the end, and working backwards. Second, you start to get emotionally connected to your goal. Both those things will help you work toward it.
 
Here's my favorite way to explore your vision: go on a Journey Walk.
 
Studies shows that walking unleashes creativity and helps you...

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