How to tap into your intuition

coaching mindset moticise Mar 20, 2018

When I first decided to become a motivational speaker, I started going to Toastmasters meetings to practice public speaking. With my background in acting, both onscreen and onstage, I thought I had a pretty good shot at it. I loved being front of people, tapping into emotions, telling a moving story, seeing how my performance could change their perspective.

What I didn’t count on was how hard it was to write a speech. In Hollywood, someone always handed me a script. Now, I had to write my own speeches. And it did not come easily to me.

Sometimes it didn’t come to me at all. I slaved over those speeches. One night, I was trying to perfect a speech I had to give the next morning. It was a very personal and emotional story, so I wanted to get it right. I spent hours that night, staring at a blinking cursor on my screen, overwhelmed by everything I wanted to say. Around 4 a.m., I fell asleep, with only a jumbled mess of ideas written down.

The next day, I stood up...

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How to Achieve Flow

goals mindset Mar 06, 2018

The year was 2002. I was running my first marathon in L.A., but this was not the sunny California weather you’d expect. It rained about 6 inches, and it actually hailed once during the run.

But despite that, I ran, and by mile 12, I’d hit my stride – I was in a state of flow. Effortless action and enjoyment. Complete immersion. Being in the zone. Have you ever felt that way when you’re doing something you love?

I ran up Highland Ave, a pretty boulevard I’d had driven hundreds of times. But today it looked different. Despite the clouds, it was bright, and the rain had softened to a light drizzle. Everything was in sync—my arms and legs moved in perfect time; I could breathe deeply; the theme song to Chariots of Fire blared in my headI felt like I could run forever.

Then something changed. By mile 20, I was dragging. Every part of my body ached, and all I wanted to do was lie down on the pavement and sleep. People can just...

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How to get the Mindset of an Olympian

When the Olympics are on, it’s a safe bet you’ll find me in front of my TV, cheering, shouting, biting my nails, and yes, crying. Considering that I almost never watch TV otherwise, you might say I’m a little bit obsessed.

To me, the Olympics are the ultimate mind-body-emotion experience. These athletes have put their heart and soul on the line. They’ve pushed themselves physically and mentally, while holding it together emotionally. And we get to see their shining moments.

So many stories from this year’s Olympics could easily become Disney movies. After watching the zillionth one (it was Nathan Chen’s comeback in long form figure skating, after such a disastrous short form), I got to wondering – what kind of mindset do you need in order to do that?

So I did a little research. I found dozens of ways to get an Olympic mindset, and here are my top five:

  1. Train like it’s a performance. If you only practice halfway, then you’re...
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How to Find Synergy in a Relationship

coaching love mindset Feb 20, 2018

At a conference once, I heard someone ask Lisa Oz, Dr. Oz’s wife, what it was like to work with her husband. She laughed, and said “My husband loves to work. And I knew that if I didn’t create a scenario where I was working with him, then I’d never see him. So that’s what I did.”

I can relate, because Stephen works a lot. He’s so talented, both creatively and business-wise, that at first I didn’t know how I could contribute. I really wanted to be a part of what he was doing, but I didn’t see right away what he needed from me.

Fortunately, though, it didn’t take long to figure out. My forte is mindset, and creative types especially need help in that department. Early on, I began coaching Stephen, and he came to rely on me for it. He’d come to me (sometimes daily), saying “I need a shift, I need a new perspective, what do I need to do?” We’d talk, and then he’d go off and take the actions he...

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How falling in love (with yourself!) will help jumpstart your goal

goals love mindset moticise Feb 05, 2018

I read an article once where Sigourney Weaver told about a time she was in an acting class. Looking around, she thought, “I feel so sorry for all these people. They’re not going to make it, and I am.”

Soon after I read that, I was in an acting class myself, and I sure as hell did not feel that way. But, I admired the strength and confidence she must have had, to believe that. I didn’t think she said it in a mean way – it wasn’t like “They suck and I’m awesome.” It was just a belief she had, a sense of certainty that she’d succeed. And she was right. (I’m guessing the rest of the group didn’t all go on to win Oscars).

But that day in my own class, I looked around and thought, Wow, these people are so talented. How on earth am I ever going to make it?

And that troubled me. I knew that if that was the belief I carried around me, my results would reflect that. So I made a conscious effort to change my...

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What you can learn from white cowboy boots

coaching mindset Jan 22, 2018

Years ago, when I first got to California, I spent a lot of time at auditions. If you’re into acting, you know that auditions are where you go if you want to feel horrendously un-special. At each one, you’re surrounded by a hundred people who look, dress, and walk exactly like you, except they’re all prettier. And they’re your competition.

Of course, I always wanted to fit in. To be like them. If l were more like them, I believed, I’d get the part. If I were just like the others, my paradoxical brain suggested, I’d stand out as a star.

 

Here’s what was in style at the time: light blue jeans, white tee shirt, and white cowboy boots. (Yep, white.) That’s what all the cool girls were wearing, so that’s what I wanted to wear, too.

So I saved up all my waitressing money, and I went out and bought that exact outfit. Then, I wore it one day walking proudly through Beverly Hills, where I passed three girls, all wearing a variation...

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How to make your resolutions fun again

coaching goals mindset Jan 09, 2018

New Year’s Resolutions can be real downers.

If we’ve tried and failed at something before (and how hasn’t?), something sad happens: working toward a goal turns into a chore. It feels heavy, difficult, maybe even hopeless. And not many feelings are less motivating than those.

Up until a few weeks ago, that’s how I felt about meditation.

For God knows how long, I’d been trying to make meditation a part of my daily life. And I came up with every excuse in the book not to. After some reflection, I realized why: I didn’t know if I was doing it right. I didn’t know whether it was working. I didn’t know which kind of meditation I should do. I was so uncertain, and that was making it almost impossible to believe I’d ever meditate daily.

But then, I stumbled upon a new idea that totally changed my mindset.

The idea came from Josh Kaufman, a writer and researcher who studies learning and skill-building. In his...

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Don’t Forget to Do This before the year ends

goals love mindset Dec 18, 2017

During my One Life to Live daysmy home was in LA, but the show was filmed in New York. For a while, I commuted back and forth every few days. (Yes, it was a little crazy, but you can get used to pretty much anything.)

At first, I stayed with friends in New York, but as my character, psycho nurse Barbara, got more screen time, I knew I needed my own place. Just a small one, somewhere to sleep, eat, and drop by bag. A friend knew of a one-bedroom sublet, with rent so cheap that I had to ask him to repeat it. It was on the Upper West Side, just two blocks from the One Life to Live set. I couldn’t believe my luck.

Then I saw the place. It was on the ground floor, and the few windows it had were literally one foot away from a brick wall. You couldn’t even see if it was sunny or raining out. It was tiny, cramped, and as dark as a cave. But the price and location were right, so reluctantly, I took it.

I’ll just get some candles, and put up some...

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How to Reframe Your Holiday Stress

adventure coaching mindset Dec 11, 2017

When my kids were born, people said to me things like “Oh, your first Christmas with kids! It’s gonna be fabulous. Kids make Christmas so wonderful.”

That year, and for several years after, I thought, that’s not true.

Everything was turned upside down. We were late for church, because we were scrambling to collect all the million baby things, the diapers, toys, bottles. Kaya would cry when we were supposed to be celebrating, and she’d sleep when we were supposed to unwrapping presents. Then she’d be awake when I wanted to sleep. I was just exhausted. (And on top of everything else, now I worried I was a terrible mother.)

It wasn’t fun. And on top of all the stress leading up to the holiday, I ended up with a 103-degree fever on Christmas Eve.

Christmas is my absolute favorite time of year. I love everything about it: the hustle and bustle, the songs, the find-the-almond-in-the-dessert tradition. But in the stress I was holding onto –...

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The gift idea you haven’t thought of

forgiveness love mindset Dec 04, 2017

Seven years after our divorce, my ex-husband gave me the gift I needed most.

A few years before, I’d had a sort of come-to-Jesus moment. A lot of people I knew were getting married, and at their weddings, I…let’s just say I couldn’t handle myself. I drank way more than I care to admit, which was unusual for me—anywhere else, I barely drank at all. Clearly there was something about weddings that triggered me.

My friend and mentor, Sheva, suggested that maybe this was the symptom of some issue I had with my own wedding. When she said that, it made me look closely at what I was hiding. There were things I needed to be honest about, things that I’d tried to bury, but needed to come to the surface.

Sheva encouraged me to reach out to Bob. We’d been divorced almost seven years, and I hadn’t spoken to him in at least four. I’d heard he was remarried and already had kids. I was with Stephen, and though I loved him, I had trouble...

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