The other day I went to this fundraiser for a friend of mine, where we played poker with the Poker Divas. This was the first lesson – you have to play to win. If you just play not to lose,  you will almost definitely lose.

I thought, what an applicable lesson to life. It made me think of a time I was at a conference, where they asked you to put a number on a ping pong ball at registration. And then throughout the conference, sporadically, they’d come out with this big box full of ping pong balls, like a lottery, and they’d call a number and give out some pretty significant prizes.

One time when they were calling out numbers, I was out in the hallway, and a guy who worked at the conference asked me, ”How come you’re not in there? They’re giving away prizes.”

I said, “I know, but I never put my number on a ping pong ball, so, I’m not going to win.”

And he said, “Hm, that’s interesting. I wonder where else...

Recently I came across a new mindset tool that I just love. It’s basically a happiness exercise, where at the end of the day, you recap what you’re happy about. But what I love about this one is that it takes it a step further, by asking “Why did that happen?” about each thing.

What I found while I was doing this, is that even such a simple question can have this global effect of changing how you see things. Suddenly, I saw my life in a more cumulative light, not just isolated events happening one day but not another. Something you did yesterday, or last week, or even years ago, can contribute to one moment of happiness today.

The first time I tried this was after I got confirmation that I’d booked this one particular speaking gig. I really wanted to do this, but it just seemed like it wasn’t going to happen—then it was, then it wasn’t, then it was again. Then, a couple weeks ago, it became official—success! So I was...

With Thanksgiving in just a couple days, you might be hearing a lot about gratitude – why it’s important, how to focus on it, and so on. For good reason – it’s essential to both physical and mental health. 

But sometimes we think that in order to be grateful, we need to be one of the Lucky Ones... those got-it-all-together, successful, confident people you meet at parties. (You know who I mean?) They must feel grateful all the time, because they’re so lucky. Right?

Wrong.

Yes, there IS a link between gratitude and being “lucky” – but, luck doesn’t just fall from the sky. Sometimes, you create it.

One morning last winter, I felt like one of those Lucky Ones. I woke up early; I had tones of energy. On the exercise bike, I had one of my favorite guilty pleasure songs blasting –  I’m totally embarrassed to admit...

Last week, I had the honor of co-hosting a fitness talk show with my good friend Eraldo Maglara on WMCN TV. It was such a thrill to be on set, talking about fitness and lifestyle and mindset (all my favorite things!)—but you can bet, I was nervous.

Backstage, after having my make-up and hair done, I had a few minutes before the cameras started rolling. And in those moments of waiting, nervousness crept in: my hands were sweating, my shoulders were tight. I tried to relax, but I only succeeded in getting more and more worked up. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, tried a little meditation—but it didn’t work.

After a minute, I thought, this is stupid. Let me just get up and do something. So I went out into the hallway, and did jumping jacks and boxing moves, trying to disperse all that nervous energy. I made a fist and jumped up, like my team had just scored a goal, like “Yes! I did it!” And I got so excited!

Then, since...

It was high tide, and the waves were enormous, crashing against the shore. My family and I were spending a weekend at Cape May, and every day the beach had been glorious—sun, waves, sandcastles, the works. This one day, though, the waves were the biggest I’d seen—and it brought two totally different reactions from my two kids.

Ty, who’s seven, saw it as a big adventure. The waves were bigger than he was, but he couldn’t stop giggling as he jumped into each one. He watched the bigger kids doing it, and he followed right along, for hours, loving every minute.

Kaya, though, was terrified. My husband Stephen and I tried to shift her focus—“Look how many people are out there having fun! How can we jump each wave? What else can we do? You’re fine, you’re perfectly safe!” But she simply could not see past the fear.

It was such a clear example of a simple but powerful truth: you feel what you focus on.

Which means that you have the...

We’ve all been there. You come out of an interview, a meeting, a phone call – something you really wanted to go well– and it sucked. You feel lousy. You feel like nothing will ever make up for how horrible it went, and you believe it was all your fault.

What do you do, after a setback like that?

That feeling was no stranger to me during my years of auditions in L.A. and here in New York. (Heck, it’s still not a stranger to me. It’s part of life.) I remember one particularly horrible audition—I just bombed it—and after, I walked out onto the street, wanting to curl up in a hole. My brain was spinning in a loop of “Why can’t I do this?” “Why does this happen to me?” “Why am I not good/pretty/talented/exceptional enough?”

And you know what? My brain had no problem giving me the answers. Everything I asked it, it answered; it provided me with more reasons for why I sucked. I was positive I was a loser. I...

The other day, I took my kids to see the new Pixar movie Inside Out. It looked like fun, so I was looking forward to it, but I had no idea it would have such big life lessons in it—like, how sadness is an essential part of a happy life.

f you haven’t seen it, Inside Out takes place mostly inside the head of an 11-year-old girl, Riley. The main characters are 5 of her emotions: Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust and Fear. In the beginning, Joy is the driver, and therefore joy is the main focus of her actions and memories.

When Joy gets pulled from the ‘leader seat,’ she and Sadness have to work together to find their way back to Headquarters.

In the journey, Joy realizes that she needs Sadness to get back to where she was. The reflection and introspection, induced by Sadness, are ultimately what repairs the relationship between Riley and her family. Joy learns that Sadness helps you connect, rebuild and bring things together – if...

If you know me, you probably know I’m passionate about visualization. I’ve used it for almost every important goal in my life – and, as long as I’ve done it right, it’s always worked.

Which means that I’ve had times it didn’t work—and that I’ve found one crucial aspect that makes all the difference.

Back when I was on soaps, I had an audition for a role in the reprise of Bonanza: The Next Generation. The character sounded perfect for me—except that she was an expert equestrian. I barely qualified as an amateur.

Still, I went to the audition. My plan was to fudge through the part on horseback by riding English style, not Western. Just a few minutes after I mounted the horse, though, it started pouring. The director called me back before I even made it once across the field. It was over so quickly, I was sure I wouldn’t get the part.

But maybe because it was over so quickly, they didn’t have...

Picture a chain of dominoes, starting with one as small as your fingernail. The dominos get bigger as the chain gets longer. How many dominoes do you think will it take before you can knock down one that’s 1 meter high and over 100 pounds?

Would you believe it’s only thirteen?

It’s true. Check out this video, where Professor Stephen Morris, a physicist at the University of Toronto, explains the science behind it. Basically, a domino can push over another domino that’s 150% of its size—so, by creating a chain where the first one is only 5 millimeters high, you could knock down one as big as the Empire State Building in 29 moves.

It’s a big question – maybe not one you’ve asked yourself before. So often, we’re programmed to think of difficulty and negativity first. The more we think that way, the more it becomes our mindset.

That’s why a question like this one can be so striking. It comes from a place of possibility, strength, openness. It can help you see the possibilities through a clean lens, without fear and doubt dirtying your vision.

I’ll never forget the afternoon I sat in my living room in New Jersey, the day before I drove across the country to Hollywood. More than anything, I wanted to act, to be a star—yet it was such a big risk. I was scared.

Then I asked myself, what if I couldn’t fail?

For me, that opened up a whole new perspective. I had to try.

I thought of it again when I left a secure acting gig on the soaps to try my hand at life coaching and motivational speaking. It was another risk, another step into the unknown—but I did it. And...