Recently, I stumbled upon the question: Where are you accommodating in life?
In what ways are you settling or compromising? Letting someone else get what they want, but not you?
We do that for a variety of reasons. We want to be liked or needed. We want to fit in. We want to keep the peace. Maybe we’re afraid to go the extra mile. Or maybe we don’t believe in ourselves, so we just do what works for everyone else. We people-please, we discount our own needs.
Interestingly, this came up again when a client of mine, “David,” told me about a business class he took. He went in hoping to learn about negotiating, and came out with a lesson on accommodating.
The instructor began class by asking them to pair up and negotiate a deal. Each person would be marked on various aspects, including whether or not they actually made a deal.
David went about it the way he knew how, in a way that’s worked for him in the past. He started off by asking his partner,...
There’s a lot of buzz out there around the importance of an entrepreneur mindset. Why?
Whether you are running a family or a business or even working for someone else, there are critical skills and benefits that can be harnessed from this mindset: creative thinking, seeing possibilities instead of problems, risk taking, perseverance, developing trust and confidence in oneself, listening and teamwork, and delegating to name a few.
So you might be wondering, what exactly is an entrepreneur mindset? And how do I get one?
According to the Journal of Entrepreneurship, researchers from the Indian School of Business found three main themes in the mindsets of successful entrepreneurs: they are people-oriented, purpose-oriented, and learning-oriented.
Let’s go through each one of those, explore what they mean, and learn how you can apply them to your life and business.
Entrepreneur mindsets are people-oriented.
Clients often lament, “Do I have to do this again? I thought I already conquered that habit (or thought or behavior)."
And they absolutely have in remarkable and very visible ways. They have achieved success and done things that they once couldn’t imagine. And yet sometimes those sneaky little patterns come back to remind us of what we used to do. It's almost like a test.
Has that ever happened to you?
Well, I truly believe that while we can slip backwards in our behavior, we never go backwards in consciousness. The fact is now we know what’s happening and can reverse course much faster.
Repetition is truly the key to success.
In fact, behavior changes happen because of repetition through something called “experience-dependent neuroplasticity”. In English, that means our brains change in response to our thoughts, actions, and experiences.
Every time you think a thought, a pathway of neurons lights up in your brain. If it’s...
It was a beautiful sunny day, several years ago, when a new client, Serena floated into my office. She had a buoyant energy and her smile lit up the room. She glided across the space and sat down in the chair, almost as if it had offered her a royal invitation.
I began, “It’s so nice to meet you, how can I help you today?”
Within in a split second her cheerful demeanor dramatically shifted, “I’m going to be fired, she blurted out. Then with mix of embarrassment and frustration, she added "I’m terrible at my job."
“Oh, I’m curious, what makes you so terrible at your job?” I asked gently
“I can’t ever get things done on time, I’m a chronic procrastinator.” she declared with absolutism. Then without skipping a beat, she named all the reasons why this was “terrible” and how it has “always” been a problem that she could “never” change. She wasn’t even sure why she...
It’s a fact of life: sometimes, things just don’t go the way we want.
Even when we put in gobs of hard work, when we’ve done all the right things, when we’ve tried everything – sometimes, life seems to have other plans.
A few years back, my client Claire came to see me for this exact reason. “I’m ready to give up,” she said, pacing in circles around my office. Claire was a talented businesswoman with an impressive track record. She ran a successful consulting service , and now she was trying to branch off into another of her passions, and create a wellness business – yet despite all her efforts, nothing seemed to be gelling.
“I just don’t know what’s going on,” she said. “I feel like a total failure. Like I’m banging my head against the wall. What should I do?”
Poor Claire. She wasn’t used to not succeeding. She was used to pushing through and making things...
Years ago, I got into an elevator with two people I’d never seen before, and I happened to overhear their discussion.
“Most nights I don’t finish work till almost three a.m.,” said the first person, sounding quite pleased with himself. “I can’t help it. I’m a bit of a perfectionist.”
“That’s probably what’s holding you back,” the other person said, without missing a beat. The next ten seconds ticked by in a tense silence. When the doors finally opened to my floor, the self-proclaimed perfectionist was just then piecing together a response.
And although I never saw those two people again, I’ve never forgotten what they said.
Why has that memory stayed with me?
Several reasons. First, I can totally relate to the first guy. Even though I learned long ago that perfectionism is not a virtue, I still fall into its trap– and even catch myself clinging to it sometimes as if it will somehow guarantee my...
Last winter, my friend Gigi told me a funny story about the time she moved to Brooklyn in her early twenties.
She was living in Ithaca, a small town about four hours upstate, and she was all excited to try to make it as a singer with her band in New York. Two days before she moved, though, she realized something relatively important: she didn't have any moving boxes. (Sometimes these things slip our minds, don’t they?) She didn't want to buy any, since she imagined they were prohibitively expensive, and she was broke. So she asked her roommate, Chris, if he had any.
"No," he said, "but let's go find some."
They walked downtown and started asking around. One person they asked, a guitarist playing Beatles songs on a street corner, suggested they ask at the liquor store. There, the manager there gave them a few Heineken boxes. Then he gestured to the shipping store across the street.
"They sell boxes," he said. "You can get all you want there."
So they went...
How falling in love (with yourself!) will help jumpstart your goal
I read an article once where Sigourney Weaver told about a time she was in an acting class. Looking around, she thought, “I feel so sorry for all these people. They’re not going to make it, and I am.”
Soon after I read that, I was in an acting class myself, and I sure as hell did not feel that way. But, I admired the strength and confidence she must have had, to believe that. I didn’t think she said it in a mean way – it wasn’t like “They suck and I’m awesome.” It was just a belief she had, a sense of certainty that she’d succeed. And she was right. (At least, I’m guessing the rest of the group didn’t all go on to win Oscars).
But that day in my own class, I looked around and thought, Wow, these people are so talented. How on earth am I ever going to make it?
And that troubled me. I knew that if that was the belief I carried around me, my results...
Have you ever felt stuck? Stressed? Like you could really use a mindset reset?
Millions of people wake up every morning, less than thrilled about the day ahead of them. Many even dread it. They drag themselves through their routine. They're tired, depressed, and they feel like happiness and fulfillment have passed them by.
But it doesn't have to be that way. Every minute of every day, you have the choice to take control of your life. You can step out of “stuck” and into the flow. You can redirect the course of your life, so it's one that makes you jump out of bed in the morning.
Don't believe me?
Neither did Ellen, at first. When I met Ellen, she was making her way up the corporate ladder at a wealth management firm here in Manhattan. She was successful in her career – she even had an office with a breathtaking view of the city – but the rest of her life , well, it left a lot to be desired.
Her marriage was in shambles. She was so tired all the time,...
How to get a success mindset? If you're wondering this, chances are you've got a big idea or goal in mind. I have a hunch that you've got something special in mind...and you're on the track by looking for ways to step into a success mindset!
Maybe you have an idea for starting a new business, or you felt a glimmer of inspiration for a new creative project. Or you’re finally ready to do that thing you’ve been saying you’re going to do for, I don’t know, ever.
Let me guess. At first, there was a lot of excitement. I’m gonna DO this! This time, it’s gonna work!
But maybe the excitement has worn off, and now you don't know where to start. You're standing at your desk or your whiteboard or your kitchen table, suddenly faced with all the million overwhelming tasks you need to do to make that goal a reality.
I've been there. (Who hasn't?) Especially for creative types who like to think big, that transition from "big idea" to "let's...
Every morning for 10 days, you’ll get an email from me with a special (and short) activity that focuses on one important aspect of manifesting your true desires.
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