How to answer your calling…even when things are confusing

coaching mindset May 12, 2020

When my client Raymond first came to see me last fall, he was looking for clarity and direction. He had a good job in the hotel business, but overall, things were shaky. He was worried about his health; he'd had a series of bad relationships, and last but not least, his apartment was a mess.

It was a lot to work on, so we started with one small goal. After talking through some things, Raymond chose something that sounded both doable and meaningful: to clean up his apartment, enough that he could have friends over.

"Great," I said, and decided to take it even deeper. "Why is that important? What will you gain by doing that?" (I often ask my clients to name their Why. Not only does it help motivate them, but also because it can lead to unexpected places. As you'll see, this happened with Raymond…)

"Well," he said, thinking, "I've always wanted to have friends over for a game night, like I used to. But with the disaster area that is my living room, well, that's just not...

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How to get a better night's sleep

mindset self care Apr 14, 2020

One week a few months ago, back when the world was still functioning, I was just dragging. I couldn’t stop hitting snooze or yawning through meetings. I guzzled coffee, and when I got home, I collapsed. What was going on?

I decided to work backward to figure out why I was so tired all the time. Why did I hit snooze? Because I needed more sleep. Why did I need more sleep? Because I’d gone to bed late. Why had I gone to bed late?

Ding ding ding. That was the answer I needed.

I’d gone to bed late because of the million and one things I had to do the night before: get the kids’ school stuff ready for the morning. Make a to-do list for the next day. Take the dog out. Clean kitchen. Brush teeth, wash face, turn off screens, meditate.

The problem was, I wasn’t starting that whole mad rush until after 9pm - way too late. 

So I made a list of all the things that need to happen before I can go to bed. Next to each one, I estimated how much time it would take...

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How to find peace amidst the busy-ness

A couple weeks ago, in the first few days of Corona quarantining, I had a recurring thought: I have to do something. It was energizing; it was exciting. My March and April calendar had cleared themselves completely, as if someone had waved a magic wand. No more speaking gigs, no more conferences, no more traveling.

I have to use this time to the fullest!

After all, Isaac Newton did! Shakespeare did! They conceived of their best ideas while quarantined from the plague. What rock-star best-selling world-changing idea will I come up with?

Of course, it didn't take long for the overwhelm to settle in. I had a ton of projects to work on – book, website, new products, you name it – but I couldn't seem to focus on one. It didn't help that there were a million blogs and newsletters sitting in my inbox, exhorting me to make the most of my time and offering tips on how to do that. I couldn’t even check my email without being reminded of all the other things I could do: clean...

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5 ways to keep your stress under control while quarantined

mindset stress Mar 17, 2020

These are scary times. I'm not here to offer you medical advice or breaking news on the COVID-19 virus. I want to talk about the mental difficulties many of us face, and how we can handle them in the healthiest way possible. With magnified stress, social isolation, looming unknowns, and big changes to our daily lives, it's more important than ever to take care of ourselves – and I mean more than washing our hands.

Here are six ways you can take care of yourself and your loved ones in the midst of this crisis.

1. Embrace creativity. Often, when things are in flux, people grab for safety. They want something they can control. Yet this actually a good time to think out of the box – because new ideas and opportunities can come from difficult times. Plus, opening your mind to creative thoughts will help ease your stress and keep you busy.

If you don't believe me, get this: Isaac Newton had to work remotely for a full year during the plague, and he was so productive then...

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The Art of Saying No (How, When, and Why to Do It)

coaching mindset Jan 20, 2020

Recently, someone asked me about how and when to say no. I’m glad they did, because it's such an important skill, and because it's one I've struggled with.

Okay, that's an understatement. Sometimes it feels like my entire life is about not saying no enough. Which is why I know all about it!

Let's talk about why it's crucial, and some ways to go about saying no – especially when it's hard.

First, it helps to understand why it's such a hard thing to do. There are a few reasons:

  • We like being helpful. Many people – especially women, and those who help people for a living (coaches, teachers, therapists) – have a hard time saying "no" because it's in their nature to help people. That's me – I love helping people, so when someone asks me for something, my first inclination is to jump on it. The problem is, I tend to overcommit to the point that I'm not able to follow through, which can disappoint people more than if I just said no up front.
  • We want to be...
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Top three tips for making your life easier

coaching mindset Aug 06, 2019

 This part week, I started to get the sneaky sense that fall is just around the corner. I know it’s a month away, but suddenly people are talking about school, final vacation plans, signing up for after-school activities. All of that is happening now, and all I can think is no! I don't want it to be fall. I want summer to keep going forever. 

One reason I love summer is that it makes things feel easy. When the sun is shining and school's out, I just feel like it's easier to relax and let things flow. But as the leaves start to turn, and change is in the air, and the responsibilities of the school year loom ahead, it feels like that easiness is coming to an end. It's time for structure, alarm clocks, and mega to-do lists. I start to get a pit in my stomach, and it's saying, Oof, this is going to be hard.

But you know what? Just because things get busier and more regimented doesn't mean they have to get harder. In fact, "hard" and "easy" are states of mind. We choose...
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Mindfulness Roadblocks & How to Get Around Them

coaching mindset Jul 23, 2019

I have a confession. For all my years of working with mindset, there was a lot of time that I avoided the concept of mindfulness. I thought it was overused, and (dare I say it?) boring. I thought it meant never thinking about the future, never being really excited, never setting goals or planning ahead – and those are some of my favorite things! 

But then I realized something: that judgment was really resistance in disguise. Thankfully, with the help of reading, trusted friends, and a whole lotta practice, I learned what mindfulness really means.

It means stepping into the flow of life. It means opening up to the messages that our bodies, minds, and hearts are sending us – and they are constantly sending us messages that we need to hear. When we're not mindful – that is, when we're distracted by what we're doing later, or fixated on what we don't have, or numb to our emotions, we miss out. It's like watching TV while someone is trying to tell us something...

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3 Things Healthy People Do Before 10 AM

coaching mindset moticise Jul 09, 2019

On my ideal day, I wake up super-early, without an alarm, refreshed and ready to go. Then I have a long, leisurely, mindful transition into the day. Of course, I live in the real world, so that doesn't always happen - and when it doesn't, you can bet my whole day is off kilter.

That's why I've decided to make a list of the three most important things to do every single morning, and share it with you. Try these (they don't take long at all), and see if they don't radically improve your day.

Take time for yourself, even if it's just 5 minutes. It's tempting to dive right into the day, but pause to check in with yourself and find center first. Whether that's having a cup of coffee before everyone else wakes up, getting a workout in, meditating, reading, whatever - make sure part of your morning is just for you.

Ask powerful questions. So many of us wake up already thinking, "I don't have enough time," "I didn't sleep enough," "I'm not doing enough." The best way to combat...

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3 ways to get a success mindset - right now

goals mindset success Jun 27, 2019

Have you ever set a goal, and gotten really gung-ho excited about it...only to fall away from it a few days or weeks later? (New Year's Resolutions, anybody?)

Well, today I want to invite you to call to mind a goal you were once excited about. What was it? What happened, that you fell away from it? 

I'm gonna guess that your mindset around that goal isn't the most positive one. And that can cause huge problems, because your mindset determines your results. So let's look at three powerful ways you can use your body to create a success mindset.

  1. Explore your vision.

When you visualize what you want, a couple things happen. First, you can see more clearly how to get there. It's like starting at the end, and working backwards. Second, you start to get emotionally connected to your goal. Both those things will help you work toward it.
 
Here's my favorite way to explore your vision: go on a Journey Walk.
 
Studies shows that walking unleashes creativity and helps you...

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What is your Wheel of Life telling you?

coaching mindset moticise May 13, 2019

A couple years ago, I offered a Moticise workshop on Money & Career at a special event for entrepreneurs here in New York. In it, we did the Wheel of Life, an activity that gives people a new perspective on what areas in their life need work.

In the Wheel of Life, you color in each area of your life to the extent that you feel it's going well. If you're feeling good about your spirituality, you might color it in all the way; but if you're having trouble with your health, you might leave it blank, or only color it in a little bit.

After the group colored in their Wheel, I asked them to talk about their Money and Career slices. "Why did you color it in the amount that you did?" I asked.

A woman named Taylor spoke first. She'd introduced herself as a realtor who had recently ventured out on her own, and she said, "You know what's funny? My Money and Careers sections are way lower than I thought they would be."

"What do you mean?" I said.

"I thought those areas were going well, but...

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