What you can learn from white cowboy boots

coaching mindset Jan 22, 2018

Years ago, when I first got to California, I spent a lot of time at auditions. If you’re into acting, you know that auditions are where you go if you want to feel horrendously un-special. At each one, you’re surrounded by a hundred people who look, dress, and walk exactly like you, except they’re all prettier. And they’re your competition.

Of course, I always wanted to fit in. To be like them. If l were more like them, I believed, I’d get the part. If I were just like the others, my paradoxical brain suggested, I’d stand out as a star.

 

Here’s what was in style at the time: light blue jeans, white tee shirt, and white cowboy boots. (Yep, white.) That’s what all the cool girls were wearing, so that’s what I wanted to wear, too.

So I saved up all my waitressing money, and I went out and bought that exact outfit. Then, I wore it one day walking proudly through Beverly Hills, where I passed three girls, all wearing a variation...

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How to make your resolutions fun again

coaching goals mindset Jan 09, 2018

New Year’s Resolutions can be real downers.

If we’ve tried and failed at something before (and how hasn’t?), something sad happens: working toward a goal turns into a chore. It feels heavy, difficult, maybe even hopeless. And not many feelings are less motivating than those.

Up until a few weeks ago, that’s how I felt about meditation.

For God knows how long, I’d been trying to make meditation a part of my daily life. And I came up with every excuse in the book not to. After some reflection, I realized why: I didn’t know if I was doing it right. I didn’t know whether it was working. I didn’t know which kind of meditation I should do. I was so uncertain, and that was making it almost impossible to believe I’d ever meditate daily.

But then, I stumbled upon a new idea that totally changed my mindset.

The idea came from Josh Kaufman, a writer and researcher who studies learning and skill-building. In his...

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Don’t Forget to Do This before the year ends

goals love mindset Dec 18, 2017

During my One Life to Live daysmy home was in LA, but the show was filmed in New York. For a while, I commuted back and forth every few days. (Yes, it was a little crazy, but you can get used to pretty much anything.)

At first, I stayed with friends in New York, but as my character, psycho nurse Barbara, got more screen time, I knew I needed my own place. Just a small one, somewhere to sleep, eat, and drop by bag. A friend knew of a one-bedroom sublet, with rent so cheap that I had to ask him to repeat it. It was on the Upper West Side, just two blocks from the One Life to Live set. I couldn’t believe my luck.

Then I saw the place. It was on the ground floor, and the few windows it had were literally one foot away from a brick wall. You couldn’t even see if it was sunny or raining out. It was tiny, cramped, and as dark as a cave. But the price and location were right, so reluctantly, I took it.

I’ll just get some candles, and put up some...

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How to Reframe Your Holiday Stress

adventure coaching mindset Dec 11, 2017

When my kids were born, people said to me things like “Oh, your first Christmas with kids! It’s gonna be fabulous. Kids make Christmas so wonderful.”

That year, and for several years after, I thought, that’s not true.

Everything was turned upside down. We were late for church, because we were scrambling to collect all the million baby things, the diapers, toys, bottles. Kaya would cry when we were supposed to be celebrating, and she’d sleep when we were supposed to unwrapping presents. Then she’d be awake when I wanted to sleep. I was just exhausted. (And on top of everything else, now I worried I was a terrible mother.)

It wasn’t fun. And on top of all the stress leading up to the holiday, I ended up with a 103-degree fever on Christmas Eve.

Christmas is my absolute favorite time of year. I love everything about it: the hustle and bustle, the songs, the find-the-almond-in-the-dessert tradition. But in the stress I was holding onto –...

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The gift idea you haven’t thought of

forgiveness love mindset Dec 04, 2017

Seven years after our divorce, my ex-husband gave me the gift I needed most.

A few years before, I’d had a sort of come-to-Jesus moment. A lot of people I knew were getting married, and at their weddings, I…let’s just say I couldn’t handle myself. I drank way more than I care to admit, which was unusual for me—anywhere else, I barely drank at all. Clearly there was something about weddings that triggered me.

My friend and mentor, Sheva, suggested that maybe this was the symptom of some issue I had with my own wedding. When she said that, it made me look closely at what I was hiding. There were things I needed to be honest about, things that I’d tried to bury, but needed to come to the surface.

Sheva encouraged me to reach out to Bob. We’d been divorced almost seven years, and I hadn’t spoken to him in at least four. I’d heard he was remarried and already had kids. I was with Stephen, and though I loved him, I had trouble...

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Magical Doorman of Building 222

gratitude love mindset Nov 21, 2017

Back when my kids were in preschool – we were always late for preschool – we used to walk (well, run) the same way every day.

One morning, I was more stressed than usual. My head was down, my brow furrowed. I’m sure it looked like I was pushing a Mack truck instead of a small child. I was just dreading the day ahead of me, when I heard, “Have a great day!”

I turned, looking for who that was for. Then I saw the doorman from building 222, and he was talking to me.

I shouldn’t have been surprised. Every day when we walked by, he’d call out to us, “Hello! Have a great day.” But when I saw that his “hello” was meant for me, something inside me softened. 

“Thank you,” I said. 

On the rest of the walk, I questioned myself. Why was I carrying this heavy weight around? What if I could have a great day? How can I make that happen? By the time we got to school, my energy had done a...

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How Can We Honor Our Values?

gratitude love mindset Nov 17, 2017

I had another blog planned for this week, but it didn’t seem relevant given the high emotions after the election. Since last Wednesday, 50% of the country has been happy and hopeful. The other 50% – which includes me – is devastated and scared.

That’s put me through all the states of mourning. Shock, sadness, questioning, anger, denial, trying to figure out what to do. And during my hours and hours of reading articles online, trying to understand, I came to an important conclusion.

My mom raised me and my two sisters mostly by herself. Even though money was tight, she managed to take us all over the world. Before I turned 18, I’d been to Egypt, Turkey, Mexico, Norway, and all over Europe. Her motto was, “If the locals can get there, so can we.” She has this insatiable sense of adventure, and it was all about trying to understand, appreciate, and integrate into other cultures. She made friends everywhere, even if she didn’t speak the...

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That Time My Plane Almost Crashed..

adventure gratitude mindset Oct 23, 2017

Back when I was on One Life to Live, I flew back and forth from NY to LA every week. (I know, it was a little insane.) I flew so often that I didn’t even tell my family and friends I was traveling. But one time, when I was coming into New York on the red eye, I learned a valuable lesson about complacency.

It started off fine. I was psyched because I had three seats, so I was all spread out, ready to cozy up and actually get some sleep. About three hours in, though, the plane began to shake. I jerked awake, and out the window I could see these flashing lights. Sirens blared and then stopped, but the silence was ominous. Everybody was looking around, wide-eyed, gripping their armrests or their rosaries or their lovers’ hands.

 

“Oh my god, the plane’s on fire,” cried someone from across the aisle. Some people started crying; most just looked around terrified, helpless, while the plane jolted along, one of its wings on fire.

After an eternity, a...

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What Mask Are You Wearing?

coaching mindset Oct 02, 2017

The other day, my kids and I were looking through old Halloween costumes, trying to find some inspiration for this year. We tried on old dresses, old hats, old masks. And it reminded me of a time when I put on a mask, and learned something about who I was.

In grade school, I was always the good girl. I got straight A’s, I was involved in different clubs, I never spoke out of turn. Teachers always put the “trouble” kids next to me, because I was so quiet and rule-abiding, in the hopes that they would adapt to me (not the other way around).

In eighth grade, as Halloween approached, I came up with a pretty crazy (for me) idea: I was going to be a biker chick. You know, a bad girl.

I borrowed clothes from friends. Spandex, leather jacket, high heels, flashy make-up (a friend came over early that day to apply it, since I had no idea how). And I’ll never forget that moment, Halloween morning, when I walked in. Like in slow-motion, everyone turned, their mouths...

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The Simple Reminder You Need to Hear

adventure mindset Sep 05, 2017

I am struggling to rally some excitement around fall.

I know, that’s blasphemous. Pumpkin spice! Sweater weather! Autumn leaves! It’s such a gorgeous time, especially in New York City, and it’s so many people’s favorite time of year. But I gotta be honest – I always feel a little sad when summer’s ending.

It’s because summer is so free. We don’t go to bed on time; we sleep late. We still work, but the schedule is a free-for-all. I love warm East Coast nights, late-night walks in the park, t shirts and shorts. We take trips, we spend time together laughing and moving and just enjoying each other. Summer represents fun, easy, freedom.

Every year around now, I look ahead to fall, and I see the return to routine, strict schedules, fights around bedtime, trying not to be late. It feels rigid, stressful, like the antithesis of freedom.

But of course, I have a choice about what perspective to take. So I’ve made a conscious effort to...

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